Did You Know?--An essay by Jeff Thomason, CE

Did you know?

Did you know that you can turn any song into a disco song by setting it to 120 beats per second? Try it.

Did you know polar bears are actually black with clear fur? Doesn't look like it, but they do.

Did you know the inventor of the gas mask died when a gas mask could have saved him? The irony's pretty sick.

Did you know that none of this really matters? Guessed it already, dincha.

For 17 years I've been learning facts like these to get educated. And I am educated. I've got a paper and everything to prove it. Wanna see my sheepskin?

True, I can't fix my car when it breaks down, and I can't do my own taxes. But would we really want accountants in the poor house? So what if I have to call a plumber when my drain's clogged. I got my paper.

I'm educated.

It's not my fault skills didn't come with the degree. I jumped through all the required hoops. Oh, sure, the University says it is. "You should have applied yourself. Spend two hours outside of class for every one hour in class." Let's see, six hours a day in class, twelve outside, one for eating, and four for work leaves me a whole hour to sleep. I bet my professors slept than that when they went through school. Based on the content of their lectures, they probably spent the six hours in class sleeping.

But I'm grateful for my degree. Ok, so I haven't gotten a job yet. It's only been four months. Who has a job straight out of college anyway? I went through the motions. I got my degree like I was supposed to.That's all that matters. The degree. Jobs will follow. Employers will flock to my door, beg me to work for them, because I'm college educated.

I wonder if I can collect unemployment, or do I actually have to be employed first? I never learned that in school. It must not be important.

©2003 Jeff Thomason